Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
