I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
