Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
