Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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