Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
