The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Also, beer. Big fan.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
