I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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