Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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