you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
