I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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