Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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