okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
