I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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