I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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