I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
this just has baby written all over it
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
