you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
