You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
soo... how was my night?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
