so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
