Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
