both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
