You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
