i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
