.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
