so that wasnt chicken after all
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
