Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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