i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
