We're facebook friends in real life
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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