What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We have started to decorate penises.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
