I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
