You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
