Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
