Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
