I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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