My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
