my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
