You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
