I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
