I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
