it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
