I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
