..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
