just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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