Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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