I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
