so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
