your parents love me but you hate me
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
