apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
