oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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