At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
