what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
